As I sat today on the couch, Jorge sitting on my knees and grunting through a particularly epic poop, I realized that I've hit my niche. As in, this is my normal now, I'm comfortable as a mother, and I enjoy it.
All growing up, I was terrible at adapting to change. Like, embarrassingly so. I would literally be thirty minutes from home for all of seven days for EFY, and would sniffle through tears at least the first two nights because I wanted to be home. It was horribly lame.
Becoming a mom to this little boy was natural in some aspects but took pure work in others. No matter how wonderful being a mother is, nor how rewarding, at first you absolutely do miss your normal life. It's for stupid reasons, and pretty selfish ones at that. I loved my job. I loved my alone time. I loved only being responsible to one other person--Brad. When I had things to get done, I could do just that. No rush to do it during the who-knows-how-long nap.
See? Lame things. Selfish things. But they still were missed, because I was adapting to an entirely new life and routine. No matter how great the new experience is, your past day-to-day always seems simpler than the new one. I felt this when transitioning from middle school to high school, high school to college, and now college to motherhood. But there's a purpose in that. Like I've already talked about, that's what life's all about, that growth that comes through continually pushing to let go of more and more of yourself.
And so new lifetime-orientated service opportunities, that are naturally a struggle at first, gradually become your norm. Motherhood was one of those for me. I guess what I'm trying to say that while becoming a mom was a natural love, it's not like it came without its struggles, and it's not like I'm not still dealing with pushing myself to look beyond the "me".
Motherhood is still a difficult balance of being one of the primary sources for love and attention for both a husband and a son. Phew, it's been a weird adjustment, and I'm still working on it. I just feel lucky to have the husband that I have because we there are struggles, he helps carry me through them. I'm grateful for our marriage in the temple and the blessings that an eternity working together towards returning to live with our Heavenly Father has placed in our lives.
Most of all, I know that George is a blessing in our lives. He makes us more humble, happy, service-orientated, and loving. He also makes us less self-focused more outwardly-minded when it comes to our time. Our value of family and friends has heightened due to him, and it has strengthened our relationship in ways we could have never done on our own. Like I said, becoming a mom has never been simple, but it's something that has taught me such happy life lessons that I can't imagine how I'd get there without this opportunity.